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23 October 2007

tonight as i drove home the sun blazed redgold in the west, infusing the sky with warmth and light. it was stunning. but that beauty was born of the disastrous fires blazing to the east. which were in turn caused by my beautiful santa ana winds. this symbiosis between beauty and destruction haunts me. i look at my world and it is so beautiful. but it is so devastating. not just the physical world, but humanity, too. i believe community is unavoidable–that human beings are naturally social creatures who form bonds of beautiful intimacy and love. but i also believe that the very actions and words that forge those bonds isolate us. we use the gestures and actions of friendship to turn inward, to hunker down, and avoid the pain that interaction demands.

i do not know how to navigate that paradox. and today it has me feeling tired, eyes heavy with tears i do not want to shed, wishing i could take refuge in misanthropy. but i can’t. because despite the destruction, the beauty is there–glaringly unavoidable. like the sun in the west, reflecting the fire in the east.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. 23 October 2007 7:29 pm

    Beautiful post and Beautiful picture. I love you tons and always hope you’re happy!

  2. 24 October 2007 1:38 am

    the adjective beautiful and santa ana winds should never be used together. it’s something akin to “gentle child molester” or an “compassionate wife beater.”

  3. 24 October 2007 7:05 am

    shove it seymour.:)i know you hate the winds. i know others do. i love them. they’re beautiful.

  4. 24 October 2007 10:45 am

    I love the winds…would be one of my favorite fall/winter memories of growing up in CA

  5. 24 October 2007 1:18 pm

    me too, jen. i remember riding my bike to school when it was windy and feeling like i was flying with the wind at my back. and the sky becomes so beautifully clear and the mountains are visible. i always loved the days when i could sit and read in the window upstairs and look out at the mountains every once in a while. i always missed them when i was away from home.

  6. 25 October 2007 12:07 pm

    First…..I’m glad you have a friend you can say “shove it” too! :) I hope he agrees!I too LOVE the winds! I miss those warm winds and love it when our trip to Cali line up with them! I remember they hit one year at Thanksgiving time and I was delighted!We had a “windy” day in Portland last week-end…..but it was cold!Check out and you can see our fun pic’s. I will update part II tonight or tomorrow and it includes a fabulous time at ICE FIRE studio — and a picture of my latest addition to my china cabinet!love you and I love this post — just yesterday I was thinking similar thoughts about the struggle I find – in a world I love, so full of beauty and yet so full of chaos and senselessness (sp) (ok, I screwed that one up, spelling that is – but you know what I mean) love you! and looking forward to our visit!!!tash

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