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27 April 2008

if you know me in real life or if you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ll know that grad school has been something of a rollercoaster for me. i’ve decided to drop out of the program at least four times in the last five years. i’ve taken time off twice. i surprised the program administrator by actually returning after taking time off. i usually doubt my ability to do what needs to be done so i can finish the degree. and i’ve experienced far more depression in the last five years than ever before in my life.

the experience has not been wonderful. so why do i keep coming back? that’s a legitimate question and one i’ve not always been able to answer myself. i’ve often joked that i must be masochistic on some level. but when i’m not in the throes of depression, when i’m thinking relatively clearly, i know that i keep coming back because i love it. i love getting excited about teaching. i love the literature, which is magical. and most of all i love teaching. i can’t imagine anything else i’d rather do than teach university. so i’m back. and i intend to finish.

the problem is that having been on that rollercoaster–especially the twists and turns that took me out of the program–i’ve lost much of my focus. and i’ve developed bad habits. i’m trying to get myself focused and working more diligently. one tool i’ve decided to use in that effort is a new blog where i’ll track my work, record notes on my reading, and identify goals to be met and tasks to be accomplished. you can read more about how i envision that blog working there. and i’d love any contributions you’d like to make to my effort to keep moving towards my goal.

One Comment leave one →
  1. 29 April 2008 7:09 pm

    I think the reason you’re depressed is because you listen to NPR all the time. Seriously. I think there’s a correlation there. I was listening to NPR around Christmas time – they did a story about a couple of people who were murdered on Christmas. And their grieving families. Talk about the Holiday Spirit…There’s a limit on the amount of talk about oil prices and surging inflation, people losing their homes, lying politicians, and Christmas-Day-Murders that a person can take… that’s all I’m sayin’.

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