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1 October 2008
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caveat (always fun to start with one): the first couple lines of this post might make it sound like a downer.  it won’t be. 

the last five weeks have been hard.  downright horrible, to be honest.  but i’m not going to explain that any further here (those of you who deserve to know either already do know or have contact info you can use to ask me).  i’m not through the horrible stuff.  i’m not sure when i will be.  but i’ve discovered that when life gets yucky, it helps to consciously identify the good things.  so here are a few things that have brought me peace in the last few weeks:

  • warm baguette with butter in the company of friends.
  • an hours-long film adaptation of a victorian novel which stars beautiful men. also in the company of a friend.
  • the love of a woman who hardly knows me but noticed my pain and hugged me while i cried.
  • home-cooked meals, decadent ice cream, all my favorite treats, and a refuge offered by still other friends.
  • making the acquaintance of a hummingbird who hovered a foot and a half in front of me for an endless moment when life felt dark.  and then a similar encounter with a bumbling-buzzing black bee.
  • my mama hugging me and crying with me.
  • planning another roadtrip to the bay area–wonderful company sharing wonderful food, music, and bookstores.
  • an afternoon spent wandering a beautiful garden and perusing old books followed by singaporean food for dinner and a girls’ night out to the movies.
  • weekly lunches with fellow grad students.
  • finding myself a new apartment and planning my move.
  • trying to live with more integrity.  no matter how painful it might make some situations.
  • laughing at tina fey’s brilliant riffs on sarah palin.
  • thai therapy on thai tuesdays.  trust me, it’s amazingly effective.  
  • letting myself dance even if i have felt rather miserable.
  • letting myself vent all the emotion through tears and rage.
  • sharing meals and conversation with george.
  • a new batch of students who seem eager to participate and succeed.
  • knowing that i’m taking care of myself.
  • crazy bunnies playing chicken with my car at night.  they made me laugh and i figure laughter adds to peace.

life kind of sucks at the moment.  but the world is beautiful.  and people are wonderful.  and i am loved.  and that certainly brings peace.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. 2 October 2008 8:43 am

    Amy-You ARE loved! I love you and I know many others do too! I will call you soon when I’m not “herding” children out the door ;)I attended the funeral of an amazing young 17 year old boy yesterday…… NOTHING can bring one more perspective. Life is precious. I will share more privately. Take care of yourself…..I wish we could live closer….. someday perhaps… you!!!tash

  2. 2 October 2008 8:49 pm

    Just wanted to add my name to the “Love you!” list! And I share Tash’s sentiments…Wish we lived closer !You’re welcome anytime to come and chase a VERY CUTE 16 month old around! It may not solve your problems, but it would make you smile! Promise! Hang in there!

  3. 4 October 2008 10:42 am

    My dear Amy,I don’t know what has happened (shame on me) but it sounds horrible. If you want to talk I am always here for you…I say “if” because sometimes when I am hurting, the last thing I want to do is re-hash the details over and over. I love you so much. Please know that.Rad

  4. 6 October 2008 8:25 am

    I’ve always thought of you as having a very cozy spirit. One aspect is that I feel so comfortable in your presence and feel your kindness and warmth whenever I see you (which, sadly, has been some time). Your list confirms my feelings. Everything you listed is with friends and family doing cozy, soul warming things :) A girls night out would be great.

  5. 6 October 2008 9:33 am

    You amaze me. You always do! We love you (and also wish you lived closer… how “in stone” is that new apartment??)!!! Hang in there. And, when you need a giggle, just call and ask what everyone is doing right that moment. Risght this moment, I turn around to find Jacob rearranging the new eggs from this morning and, oops… you get the idea… xoxos

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