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alive.

5 November 2009

last spring, i yet again faced the decision of whether to remain in school.  i was on the tail end of a serious bout of depression, just starting to come out of it.  i was out of funding.  and i didn’t know if i had it in me to continue the program.  so i took another quarter off to really focus on getting myself healthy again and to think carefully about how to move forward.  by june, i had decided to return to school.  but i was still hesitant about making contact with my committee members and really taking the steps necessary to move forward.  i started some reading, but that was about it.

well, this week i decided it was time to make this decision a reality.  so sunday night, i had the doctor and the dean give me a pep talk and then i went home and sent emails to all four of my committee members.  tonight i met with my advisor, and spent half an hour talking about the logic of my project and receiving advice about books to add or remove from my lists.  tomorrow i’ll meet with another committee member about my lists.  and next week with committee member three.  i’m still waiting to hear back from my 4th committee member.

it feels good to be moving.  for the first time in a very long time, i’m truly excited about my reading.  i’m talking back to my books.  i’m making connections between them.  i feel invigorated and alive.  and that feels very good.

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